Friday, June 17, 2005

Vacation Top Ten

I was going to give a play by play of my vacation in San Diego, but I figured that you'd want to read all that as much as you'd want to watch the slide show version of my vacation (or my home video of Hannah's kindergarten graduation). So I'll give you a quick review, in a well organized, somewhat ripped off, and hopefully amusing top ten list:

Top Ten Things I learned while in San Diego:

1) If you think you are escaping bad weather with a vacation, if will invariably follow you.

I couldn't believe it was raining at home when we left...I couldn't believe we didn't see a lick of sun while we were in San Diego. After flying over the above clouds, it decided to follow us the rest of the weekend. I've ran into stray puppies that aren't so loyal.

2) Lil John's singing vocabulary is very limited.

One of the neat things about traveling is scanning the choice of radio stations. We pretty much went with Z90 90.3 FM ("Where hip hop lives"). I first noticed that Lil John is a very prolific producer because practically every other song is a Lil John production. This also means that we heard his "contributions" just as often. Unfortunately, this really only includes either "Yeah!" "All Right!" or "Okay!". A thesaurus apparently does not exist in the world of crunk...

3) SoCal people love their malls.

Does this come as a surprised to anyone? There are lots of malls in San Diego. They are basically like the malls you know, just outdoors. There are food courts upstairs, there are little carts selling you cell phones. Just substitute your "Anne's Plus Size Boutique" and two of the shoe stores with an Armani Exchange and Abercrombie and Fitch and it's just like home...

4) I do not have a curse the home team at baseball games.

I was beginning to wonder, after my three game losing streak at SBC. So on Thursday afternoon we visited Petco Park for an afternoon matinee between the Pads and the Indians. I like the park. It's more a part of downtown than SBC and the little quirks are cool...It would have been better if it wasn't cloudy and sprinkly (see #1). And the Padres won...all those people around me cheering like mad...I had forgotten what that was like...

5) There is such a thing as too much nature.

Friday was spent at the world famous San Diego Zoo. The place is really big, with some of the steepest walkways I have ever seen in a civilized setting (who decided to build a zoo in a canyon?). The kids loved seeing the animals up close. There was about a 45 minute stretch, however, where every animal we saw decided it was time to urinate... "Look! A giraffe....ewww." "Look! An antelope.....whoa..." "Look! An elephant.....holy @%!$#!"

6) 12 Hooter Girls fit in a hula hoop.

Friday was also my birthday. My wife thought Hooters would be a good place to have dinner (God bless that woman). It was the liveliest Hooters I had ever been too. There were dance numbers, a girl poured beer while hanging upside down on a trapeze, and the above girls in hula hoops...Although if it was my birthday, why was my wife surrounded by hot chicks and not me?

7) Taxi drivers are out to take every last cent you have.

We only rented a car for a few days before my sister and Chris came down with the van. When I returned the rental, I figured I'll just take a cab back to the hotel. It wasn't even 10 miles back and it would be way easier and closer than public transportation. Well the meter reading $23.40 was a darn good reason to learn the public transportation system well. It happened to be all the cash I had at the moment. I thought I was being charged by the mile. I swear I saw that meter move while we were at a red light. What's up with that? Bad people....

8) Dumb people are rapidly taking over the world.

Again, probably does not surprise you. The prize for dumbest thing I heard while in San Diego goes to the lady at Balboa Park. We were looking at the botanical garden building and the above lily pond in front with many koi fishes when she said:

"They just look like big goldfishes to me."

9) Graduations are nothing but people sitting around for 4 hours for 10 seconds of excitement.

And that is if your particular graduate is a slow walker or trips on the stage. The whole reason for our trip was my cousin's graduation. I thought maybe he is graduating with others with the same major...nope. Okay, maybe it's grouped by colleges of similar majors...nope. I heard there were about 700 graduates with totally unrelated majors at this graduation. What sense does this make? Why would they still decide to have TWO class speakers in addition to all the chancellors and provost and janitors speaking ahead of them? What a cruel things to do to parents who have already given their savings to these schools just to see their child walk across the stage in a robe for a paper. Lots of people do that every morning...

And finally...10) Kids CAN sit in a car for 11 hours and not drive others to suicide.

I couldn't believe it either, but my kids sat through unexplained traffic in LA, fields of nothing along I-5, smelly cows awaiting slaughter, and numerous dirty bathrooms in even dirtier gas stations without any complaint. The trip back, while long, was pretty pleasant...I'm am still awaiting word from the aliens on the whereabouts of my real children.

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