Cubicle Monkeys

I've never really had a real office job before my current endeavor. While I enjoyed the humor of Dilbert and watched Office Space countless times, I never really experience the oddities of "the life." My job, for example, is really pushing paper to and fro as I send out summons to defendants in cases to let them know they are being sued. I am, for all intent and purposes, a "paper pusher." Not exactly what I would put on my resume, but that is the reality.

If you have watched Office Space, you no doubt know about the crazy memos that gets put out there for just about everything. I got an e-mail from our Facilities Department the other day that I would like to share:

Subject: Screwing around with...

...the coffeepot lid. Yes friends, someone has been unscrewing the tops of the coffeepot lids in the break room. This could, and has, lead to unsuspecting cofffeepot pourers spilling hot coffee on themselves.

Please keep in mind:

1. Do NOT unscrew a coffeepot lid to put brewed coffee in it. (There is a neat little special opening that allows the brewed coffee to flow in without unscrewing the lid.)
2. Do NOT unscrew a coffeepot lid to pour coffee.
3. DO unscrew a coffeepot lid to clean the coffee pot.
4. If you do unscrew a coffeepot lid BE SURE you put it back tightly.

Also please do not put just your cup under the brewer to "save time." It does not work. It just makes a big mess.

Thanks
Facilities Dept.


Don't get memos like that working the beat.

That's my wife, folks.

My wife went with Hannah's class on a field trip to the Animal Rescue Foundation (started by Tony LaRussa, while he was in Oakland, in case you...er...cared). She said it was cool and that she even got to ride on a yellow school bus, although she had to endure the kids singing "The Wheel on Bus" approximately 40 millions times. She also said that she would like the meet the guy that wrote that song and, and I quote, "rape his skull".....apparently that's from a movie, but I'm sleeping with my skull firmly secured inside my head tonight.

The End of Summer

Went to the Giants game when Barry hit 704, courtesy of work...Good times...good to see renewed energy at the Phone Booth again...although it was my first Dodger game in a while and I was expecting a little more energy. Ah well, in this season full of slings and arrows, it was a good time. And I broke my losing streak, with another walk-off single for the fans to go home happy. Probably my last Giants game of the year, and I didn't even have any garlic fries.

So a week later I ended up at an A's game. Fireworks night (like the 4th one from the A's this year. Nothing like some explosives to attract the fans of the Green and Gold) was a good way to bring the kids one last time (like they haven't turned into A's fans enough as it is, courtesy of all them two dollar days..."Let's go Oak-Land!" chants are popular around my household). As it turns out, work came through again and I was awarded two lower level seats, owned by Mr. Al Brayton himself. I already had six tickets in the upper level for the pyrotechnics extravaganza, of course, so I invited my sister and Chris to take two of the upper level tickets while Tim and I sat about 20 rows from the field. Sure it was weird to look up and see your Winnie the Pooh clad daughter up in the nosebleeds, but I think my wife didn't mind me being a Teixeira home run away for nine innings, as long as I came back to her for the fireworks (the post game ones of course. Our private fireworks were later). The game was ok, but the real star was the fireworks show. I have seen enough ballpark fireworks to know that it is usually a pretty good effort, but we were all dazzled at all the never before seen stuff that night. How many ways can you possible blow up technicolored bottled rockets, you ask? Well all I have to tell you was that I saw fireworks that was a cube....a cube, for all you geeks out there, is pretty cool at a fireworks show. McAfee Stadium is still the sight of some of the scariest fireworks show I have ever seen (some looked like they were set off from the roof my car), but I would take that over a crowded 4th of July or even a Michael Bay production any old day.

Random Picture of My Kids I

I love Dave Chappelle. I will miss the Chappelle Show. My daughter will miss Tyrone Biggums...but likes powder donuts.

The Thrill of Victory

Back to back games, but we were ready. We had beat this team before and we were playing the best ball all season. It was an early start, there would be no 12-run rule, and no time limit. Seven innings between us and the nicest championship t-shirts you can't buy. I took the mound again and we were running on all cylinders to start. Three quick runs in the first for us and we kept scoring. I had a shutout through three innings and we were up 9-0. I then lost the plate for a few batters and and gave up a few runs...my team bailed me out though when we scored again...and again..again. When have you scored enough in a softball game? Probably when the other team yells at you for sending the runners on every hit...so we run the bases aggressively, big deal? Anyway we won by a somewhat lobsided score (I can't remember exactly again. They were pretty mad, and they didn't bother playing the last inning), and I am the proud owner of a 2005 Novato Softball Champion t-shirt. I've never been part of a champion team before, I can get used to it. I'll miss just playing more though. It's been a great summer...Is there like a flag football league we can join next?

On the cusp of winning it all....

Of course I sneaked that softball post in yesterday because I had a game today. Playoff started and I took the hill again. We started with a difficult first inning and got out of it after three runs and a controversial call that went our way. Tied after one, we stalled in the second and broke out with 10 runs in the third. We added a few here and there, made some fine defensive plays, danced around a few hits, and we prevailed 15-5...or something like that. I came up with a new strategy with my pitching: concentrate on the girls. No offense but it's never a good idea to give up a walk to a girl. They just make the hits that inevitably come that much more costly. It's coed softball, people will score...anyway, I have to put my arm on ice, and get ready for the Big Game tomorrow night. Go Inlaws!

Are you ready for some FFL?

In honor of football season, and inspired by the Mad Cal himself, I like to introduce my about to be champions fantasy football team:

QB B. Leftwich
RB J. Lewis
RB L. Jordan
WR R. Moss
WR A. Johnson
TE R. McMichael
Def Bears
K J. Elam
RB T. Jones
WR T. Houshmandzadeh
WR A. Toomer
QB J. Harrington
WR D. Stallworth
RB M. Shipp
TE B. Troupe
K S. Graham

I took some risk with younger guys that I think will break out, and I hate to be rooting against J.J. Arrington in Arizona, but hey, a winner's a winner.

Dog Days of Softball....

A quick look to see what's sitting in the draft folder....

I made my starting pitching debut at our last regular season game. It started out worrisome as I arrived early and found the other Brayton squad taking batting practice because their opponent forfeited again. Thinking I might get some pitching action I volunteered to toss them a few. Then I found that I still thought the plate was 6 inches closer than it actually was. Everything was consistently short and it was getting bad. Then the guys just two steps forward and adjusted, leading up to a liner right back up the middle and off my right arm. That hurted for a good long while and I was done helping them out.

I guess it might of loosened my arm though as I did get the call and pitched pretty well. My philosophy in softball pitching is just throw strikes and let my defense do the work. I even got three strikeouts (two looking) and ended the game by catching a familiar liner up the middle. We won 24-12, and we are off to the semi-finals, two wins away from the crown.

The Streak Continues (or New Beginnings)

So I was caught up in the hype and caught the Gigantes-Boulders game Monday night, the debut of golden boy Matt Cain. I wanted to see for myself all the hype and I certainly want to see it well. I browsed Craig's List and found a pair of Field Club seats for 75 bucks. I called it a bargain so I went for it. It took a while to find someone available to go (Tim really needs to quit that loser job), but I found someone that enjoys the hype of the young phenom as much as I do (hey he's a Twins fan. Every Tuesday is new phenom night). So I ventured into the world of luxurious baseball watching....

- So the cool thing about the field club (other than being close enough to spit at the players) is the separate entrance. No being herded like cattles for us. In fact, when you first enter, there is this whole eating area -- with no lines! I felt guilty not getting any food (I pretty much shattered my meager budget this week on the tickets) and taking advantage...leaving after the game was even better. Twenty thousand people leaving at the same time, but I walked right out. That was worth admission already.

- Crazy thing about cozy seats, they are all pretty much owned by season ticket owners. You sit there and everyone around you greets one another by their first name, ushers come by and ask about work today, and most of them leave after six or seven innings and tell each other that they will see them tomorrow night...they would have totally sold me out if I spit at Todd Helton.

- Hey anyone knows what they play in the bathroom before the game starts? I know they radio broadcast comes on during the game ... So I went to the bathroom about 10 minutes before game time. The bathroom looked like a slightly bigger version of my bathroom at home, minus the shower, the scale, and the feminine hygeine products. I was just getting down to business when I hear Renel (voice of the Giants...and old school R & B) come over the speakers, telling me that it was Scout Night and Troop whatever the heck would be presenting the colors during the National Anthem...Does anyone know the rule for the national anthem while in the urinal? Is it more offending to not take off my cap or to splash all over the place while the bombs burst in the air? (metaphorically speaking) Can anyone help me out here?

- By the way, the Giants lost, and I don't think anyone really cared. We all felt bad that Matt Cain didn't get a win for a decent pitching performance, but we were happy to just have seen the Next Big Thing do his stuff...Plus he made fans of us one at a time getting about 84 foul balls into the stands.

- Byung Hyun Kim swinging a bat is funny.....Byung Hyun Kim doing a pirouette while batting is freaking hilarious.

Kids Can Be So Profound

I was drinking a 7-Up earlier today when Hannah asked me:

"Did you get that from 7-11?"

Reminds me of 1994

Flipping channels between innings of the Giants-Cards game, I found music videos playing on both MTV and VH1. I can't even tell even tell you the last time I saw a video on one of those channels. But while admiring the...er...vocal talents of Rihanna, I missed Ray Durham's shot off of my fantasy ace, Chris Carpenter. Good thing Tivo was backing me up with the recording....

Look What the Late Night Santa Brought Me...

What would you say if I told you my parents got me a Magic Bullet? ..... ...... ...... Ok, get your head out of the gutter now. Of course, for those of you late night infomercial viewers, you know what The Magic Bullet is. Basically a portable blender/food processor, it supposedly makes cooking faster and easier. I don't really know what I am going to do with it. I'll let you know over at my other blog home when I come up with something....

The Long Winding Season

So I figured everyone is bored about hearing about my softball season, but at the same time I feel compelled to at least keep it up to date so no one would be left hanging... We've played two games since our last game (a forfeit win) and our slide continues with two losses. Personally though I've had two milestones. The first game was my debut at managing with a short staff. There was apparently some sort of company golf thing that took our team's best players so I was left juggling the lineup myself. Because of an injury, I didn't even play out there. It was hard to just watch; I am not ready to give up my playing days and go the route of Jeff Tedford, Larry Brown, or Bob Melvin (all average players who are pretty good coaches). Our juggled line up was rough from the get go when we were down 12-0 after one inning. We bounced back and made it 12-9 after two, and took the lead at 14-13 after three. After getting a rally snuffed out at the top of the inning, our defense failed us again when we gave up 6 runs in the bottom of the inning. We couldn't even do it efficiently as time ran out and the game was over.

Three nights later out Brayton rematch was set. The weather was perfect this time and we were all anxiously awaiting a good game. Pitching did us in this time as numerous walks made the hits that we did give up all the more costly. The last inning, when we were down 16-10, I made my debut at pitcher. I wasn't trying to do anything fancy, just throw strikes and hope my defense can take care of business. It went ok, I gave up a long shot to right center (can't believe someone took me opposite field) for a two run home run but that was it. That plate is a lot father than I thought and the pitches I missed were all short. We rallied for 4 runs and had the winning run at first (me) when my wife of all people had the hardest ball she had ever hit caught for the final out. Technically I guess I took the lost but I think I moved up the depth charts at pitcher. One more regular season game and I might be making my starting debut... tickets still available.

Commercials Killed the Radio Star

Since I am technologically hindered lately, let's talk about classic innovations... Now that I sit in an office all day long, I listen to a lot of radio. I don't really like having headphones on all the time. Besides the fact that you can't hear people walk up to you and you wind up jumping out of your seat and looking like an idiot when someone taps you on the shoulder, I just don't like being tied to a radio or even an iPod (maybe I'm afraid the cords will choke me). So I just listen to whatever my office mates listen to on the radio we all share. I am reminded of the down side of long term listening to radio stations -- The songs, and especially the commercials, just repeats all day long. I think I can stand Gwen Stefani's "Hollerback Girl" 6 times in 8 hours (she really sold out for this song, and after 7000 times through, I still am not sure what she is talking about...and why she suddenly starts to spell bananas. Is there a follow up song where she teaches today's youth how to spell Mississippi?), but the commercials drives me nuts. Commercials for TV shows and movies are the worse offenders. EVERY commercial break I would hear about the very special episode of The OC on tonight, and if I hear about Deuce Bigalow's European Adventures again, I will hurl (I'm guessing Deuce Bigalow 3: Thailand Whore will be a big hit as well). Do they have Tivo for the radio?

On the flip side (can you believe how long I can talk about radio commercials?), the best commercials on radio has got to be the Bud Light Real Men of Genius series. Hilarious. I think I like the Mr. 80 SPF Sunblock Wearer or the Mr. Mail Order Bride Orderer best. The background singers totally make the commercials.

Next time: An enlightening discussion on the benefits of the fax machine.

Pardon the Interruption

Aside from my usual laziness, the lack of posts lately is related to the fact that my desktop's power supply went kaput recently. For those of you scoring at home, this would be the second power supply that my computer has burned through. The rest of the computer is on its last legs anyway, but I can't get anything better yet, and all my docs and music and most importantly, my pictures are on that computer (in a secondary drive, should this power supply thing kill off the primary drive). Which is why I haven't posted. There are post in the pipeline, but I had planned some visual aids and I can't get to right now....I bought a new power supply yesterday and I'll tackle it tonight...In the meantime, I'll try to paint some visual pictures with words (like the good old days) on some other topics...as soon as I come up with something....

Talk about anti-climatic

There's a softball team out there that owes me 3 dollars. I've waited all week to avenge our painful lost, went home to round up the wife the kids because we have the late 8:20 game again, only to find a half softball team waiting for us...Bam, forfeit, we win 7-0 (don't ask me why we get seven runs in a forfeit). We lent them a player and played a few innings for the heck of it, schoolyard style (the ump was a little TOO eager to go home and left us). Talk about unsatisfying. I fought traffic twice to not play. To top it off, I got to play third base, and STILL had no balls hit to me. What a rip...

TV pick

Here's my Tivo nugget of the week. Why was The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas on the Sci-Fi channel? I think Zach said it best..."That's like The Jetsons being on the History Channel."

Pillow Talk

My wife said I needed to buy new pillows. Aside from not supporting the neck like it used to, it was definitely yellower than I remember it once was. (it reminded me of 5824's hand towel, really) So with a sale at my local Target, I picked up two extra firm pillows...I didn't really realize there was an adjustment period to pillows, but I haven't slept a whole night straight since I got those things. Sure my head stays cleaner, but boy am I tired....

The A's We Ain't

Playing in a coed softball league, one should go in with low expectations. Maybe it was the 4-0 start we jumped out to, but I was feeling pretty good about my team's chances. Now we are 4-2 and I am spending too many hours at work wondering how we can tweak the defensive alignments. I still think I am ok with losing, if it was normal losing. We have lost leads of 11-0 and 10-1, and I don't think I have to tell you -- it sucks. The streak ends Friday, because either we win one, or I will become so unproductive at work I will be fired.

On a related note, Britt played the whole game at catcher because we were short one girl. It works out in a funny way. My wife gets more playing time than I do on my company team. Go figure.

Tivo Phone Home

I've had Tivo for about two weeks now, and it is great. We got a reconditioned box in exchange for paying for one year's service (A deal that has since expired. I'll try and alert you of deals while they are still good next time). Of course, I am watching a lot more tv, which I haven't decided if it is a good thing yet. I at least don't have to fight with the girls as much over the tv. Now I can watch Family Guy and Good Eats at my own convenience, but the best part is finding the gems that come on when no one should be watching tv. I mean really, who knew Bosom Buddies come on the weekends at 6AM on TBS?

(Incidentally, BosomBuddies.com is a site full of informative breastfeeding info. Just thought you should know)